Ms Joke's Pundemonium
by Little Miss Firebright
Summary: The situation is dire. To combat the growing threat of the League of Villains, a briefing on their known members is presented to the teachers of U.A. But which idiot decided to put Ms. Joke in charge of introducing the villains? One Shot! *****EXTREME PUN WARNING, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!*****


**Disclaimer: I don't own 'My Hero Academia'…wait…that doesn't sound right…I don't own 'The Original Author's Hero Academia'!**

 **Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? ;^^**

 **~o~**

The League of Villains had risen from obscurity to infamy in just a few short months.

Civilians spoke the very name with fear. Terrified of the evil lurking in the dark, they turned on the very heroes who put their lives on the line to protect them. The media grew more vicious by the day, demanding that something _, anything_ , be done to stamp out the organization which had quickly become synonymous with the word 'fear'.

But for those who walked the dusky twilight path between good and evil, the League turned into something different. It was a symbol of _power_ , of the true change desired by all those impressionable people embittered by society's flaws. And like any symbol, it drew in followers like a moth to a burning flame.

What had once been a minor threat was quickly growing into a destructive sword which could cut down the hierarchy of society itself. As the heroes of Japan struggled to combat the tide of fledgling villains, and stamp out the growing whispers of dissension and unrest in the populace, the famous hero academies banded together to share information and strategies about their latest enemy…

As such, on a bright, sunny morning, the teachers of U.A High School gathered together in an emergency meeting.

The school's announcer, whose volume control was as out of control as his gigantic blond mohawk, spoke first. "So we've received new intel about the League of Villains? How _COOOOOOL~!_ "

"You don't need to be so loud about it, Present Mic," a worn out Aizawa complained, who, despite his perpetually exhausted appearance, was a professional hero of the highest grade. He yawned irritably, glaring halfheartedly at the cheerful birds outside the window who dared to sing. "Do you have any idea what time it is? I was planning on sleeping in today," he said without a trace of irony, despite being slumped on the table in a neon yellow sleeping bag.

"You could at least pretend you were taking this meeting seriously, Eraserhead!" a gorgeous dark haired woman scolded, her seductive blue eyes bright behind her red domino mask. She arched her back, biting her full lower lip. "I'm no stranger to… _long nights_ , but we do have a job to do…"

"Just so, Midnight," Principal Nezu agreed cheerfully. The cute white animal sipped tea, the picture of refinement in his stylish suit and tie. His leather chair was set considerably higher than the others, to account for his stuffed animal physique. He looked over the circle of heroes in the largest conference room, comprising of every staff member employed by the school. "I believe we're still waiting on All Might? Has anyone heard from him?"

As if summoned, the double doors burst open. "Hahahaha! Never fear, for _I_ am here!" All Might announced grandly, flashing his trademark smile as he strode into the room, a patriotic picture of rippling muscles and brightly colored spandex. "Sorry I'm late, everyone, I had a bit of a situation to take care of on the way here! Nothing to worry about, just a few S-Rank villains who commandeered a runaway train filled with schoolchildren! I would have been here sooner, but naturally I had to give autographs to all the rescued children, along with some life advice!"

"Naturally," Principal Nezu said, nodding succinctly. "Please, take a seat. Now that we're all here, let's officially begin the meeting. As all of you are aware, we've been receiving growing reports of the new criminal organization known as the 'League of Villains.' They masterminded both the USJ and the Hosu incidents. Our students have recently come into contact with several members of this mysterious league, during the interrupted summer training camp just a few days ago. As some of you may know, we've received information which may lead to a direct conflict with the League, and allow us to rescue Katsuki Bakugo unharmed. While we've already gone over the incident in depth, I've reached out to the other schools in Japan for any information on the known members of the League of Villains, before the fighting breaks out."

Principal Nezu set a hefty stack of white paper on the polished mahogany table. "As you can see, there was a lot to sift through. A significant percentage of the reports we received from the other schools was information we already possessed, although there are some details which are new. I've invited a teacher from Ketsubutsu Academy to go over the abilities and personalities of the known members of the League of Villains, both on the loose and captured, for all the staff members assembled here. Please give her your full attention."

"A teacher from Ketsubutsu?" Midnight repeated, arching a thin eyebrow, as surprised muttering broke out among the assembled staff. "Why not have one of our teachers present the new information?"

Principal Nezu sipped his tea.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Aizawa muttered as he sat up, suspicious dread in his dark eyes. "It couldn't be-"

A smiling woman in an orange bandana opened the doors, waving cheerfully. "Hi, everyone! I have a pizza delivery for you, ey? Get it? 'U'…'A'? Pffft!" The green haired hero laughed out loud at her own joke, without a care in the world. She wore a simple sleeveless shirt with a high collar, and baggy jester shorts striped horizontally in orange and green. Along with black pirate boots, pinstriped orange gloves, and metal wrist guards, her unique look was completed by a belt of bronze smiley faces.

"And just like that, my nightmare became reality," Aizawa deadpanned, staring with ill-tempered humor at the giggling hero.

Ms. Joke wiped away a tear of laughter, straightening to properly greet the teachers of U.A. "Allow me to introduce myself! My name…is George Washington-!"

"No it isn't," Aizawa cut in.

"-and I'm _so glad_ to see all your brightly smiling faces! Especially you, Aizawa! Your smile is especially gorgeous today, haha!"

The disheveled man stared at her impassively, his face completely expressionless, and Ms. Joke laughed all the harder.

"You're too much, Aizawa! Hahaha! What's with that look?"

Present Mic spoke up. "Of course, we all know _you_ , Ms. Joke! The Smile Hero makes headlines across the country! But what are you doing here, right now?"

"Alright, principal. What did I do to make you hate me?" Aizawa asked, turning with gloomy trepidation towards the head of the table.

"Please, save all your questions for the end of the briefing," Principal Nezu instructed, setting his tea carefully on the small coaster on the table. He sat back in his chair, his small paws pressed together expectantly. "Ms. Joke, if you wouldn't mind getting started?"

"Of course not!" the Smile Hero said with a grin, snapping a salute. "I've prepared quite the show for you all today! I hope you're ready!"

The flat screen monitor on the wall flicked on, as the lights in the conference room dimmed and metal panels slid over the windows ominously.

"The League of Villains," Ms. Joke began, her tone unusually grim. "In recent months, their name has spread across the country. I've compiled a short presentation on all their known members, utilizing the information submitted by the top hero schools of Japan."

Vlad King, the homeroom teacher of Class 1-B, nodded in silent approval at her change in mood. It seemed she planned on treating the situation with all the seriousness it deserved.

Ms. Joke continued, clicking a small remote to change the screen to a familiar video with the sound muted. "As many of you know, the League of Villains was a relatively minor organization until _this_ incident."

The Hero Killer, Stain, screamed his hatred for heroes on screen, fervent dementia shining in his malevolent eyes. Even without the sound, the video was chilling. Ms. Joke paused the clip on a close up of the horrifying man's deformed face.

"This speech is believed to be the cause of the League of Villains recent swell in support. This man…is known by the moniker 'Stain'! Recent information has come to light on _why_ he uses that particular name…"

The teachers of U.A leaned forward in their seats, their interest caught despite themselves.

"It's because…he never learned how to do the laundry!" Ms. Joke finished, snorting with laughter.

A chorus of groans met this statement. "I'm leaving," Aizawa declared, standing up.

"Eraserhead, if you leave, we may be vulnerable to her quirk…" Thirteen reminded him, her voice echoing oddly in her spacesuit. With a sigh of aggravation, Aizawa sat back down, already feeling the beginnings of a headache.

"He paralyzes opponents by ingesting their blood," Ms. Joke continued. "The length of the paralysis depends on their blood type. Tenya Iida was paralyzed for much longer than Izuku Midoriya. I guess he just wasn't Stain's 'type'? But considering how close that fight was, his power wasn't completely 'in-vein'! And despite his appearance, Stain has excellent grammar! He hates 'Type O's', hahaha! And in spite of his reputation, his life motto is 'B-Positive'!"

All Might snorted, disguising it as a sudden bout of coughing. Eraserhead looked at the ceiling, as if wondering what he'd done to deserve this. "But that's not all!" Ms. Joke said, flipping the slide to a badly drawn picture of Shigaraki and Stain being put in time-out in opposite corners by Kurogiri. "Rumor has it, despite Stain's alleged membership with the League of Villains, he and their leader actually hated each other! You could say…they had 'bad blood'!"

"If Stain ever finds about this, he'll kill you," Present Mic pointed out, fighting back giggles of his own.

"I'm immune to his power," Ms. Joke said seriously, looking him in the eyes. "He won't ever drink my blood…because it would taste funny!"

Ms. Joke cheerfully ignored the bout of groaning this terrible joke brought out, switching the slideshow with a smile on her face. "Next up, we have the members of the self-proclaimed Vanguard Action Squad! Their leader, who always brings the heat, Dabi!"

The cold-eyed man on the screen seemed to glare at them in disdain, blue flames burning behind him. Sections of his skin appeared to be burned and rotten, stapled on with metal studs.

Vlad King stared grimly at the face of the man from the disastrous training camp. "We don't know much about that one," he rumbled. "Can I ask, what caused his deformed appearance?"

"Of 'corpse' you can!" Ms. Joke said without missing a beat. "The zombie look is all the rage among villains, but it takes real 'dead'ication to wear a look like that! We think his burned skin is a result of his powerful quirk being too strong for his body…basically, it 'backfired'! He's a skilled fighter, with a flare for pyrotechnics, who reportedly joined the League of Villains after being 'fired' from his last job…apparently, he's too hot to handle!"

"Move on," Aizawa grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Anything for you, my one true love!" Ms. Joke gushed sweetly, switching the slide. "Next up, the seasoned warrior, Mustard!" A short boy wearing a military gas mask flicked onto the screen. "This villain may have been taken into custody, but it's a good idea to know what sort of people the League of Villains have used in the past! And at the tender age of thirteen, this villain is most known for his problems with…passing gas, hahaha!" The image changed to the sleeping gas filled forest, and the teachers groaned. "He could've been a great hero, if he'd 'mustard' up the courage…and rumor has it, he has a secret partner, named Captain Ketchup! I could've sworn I heard his name before this incident…total 'Dijon vu'!"

It was with the greatest reluctance that Eraserhead nullified her quirk again, as at least three teachers laughed at the extremely lame jokes.

A cute blonde with deranged eyes appeared on the next slide.

"Here, we have Himiko Toga! Not much is known about this girl, except for her obsessive love of Stain. Even in fights, she can't 'ab-stain' from talking about him. She's _crazy_ strong, and fights with a blood sucking machine, so battling her can be 'draining'. She admitted to being attracted to people covered in blood…real _bloodlust_ …in every sense of the word, haha! She could have taken the path of a hero, but instead she chose the…'psycho-path'!"

Ms. Joke snickered at her own joke, covering her mouth with one hand, and switched the slide.

"Next up is the human copy machine, Twice! This villain has a unique power. He's _great_ at making friends."

Aizawa rested his forehead in his palm, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

"He can make clones of himself, and of others, though they aren't as strong as the real thing! He's a copycat with a 'split personality', who is rumored to be a…'double agent'!" Ms. Joke laughed again, as if it were the funniest pun in the world. "He joined the League of Villains because he was 'clone-some'!"

Her good humor was contagious. Aizawa nullified her quirk again.

Still snickering, the green haired jester changed the slide to a huge, muscled man with a slashing scar over one eye. "Now, a briefing on the 'muscle of the organization'! Muscular, the villain who _never_ skips leg day! His quirk allows him to create more muscles at will. He's got muscles on his muscles. Instead of quadriceps and biceps, he has _infinity-ceps_! He's all brawn, and no brains! And his outfit is 100% swole!"

The slide shifted, showing a furious Muscular in heavy metal restraints. "…but, as you can see, his plans didn't…work out?" Ms. Joke finished, her sea-green eyes bright with humor. "I guess he should have 'exercised caution' when taking on U.A!"

The next slide had two villains, standing side by side.

"This villain has a 'magnetic personality'," Ms. Joke introduced, pointing to the red haired enemy they'd faced in the forest. "Magne! Has the ability to magnetize enemies; men are polarized south, and woman are polarized north! Attractive from the back, but repulsive from the front, this bipolar villain is rumored to be a real 'chick magnet'! For someone with magnetic powers, Magne has a screwed up 'moral compass'!"

"And his partner…" she continued, pointing to the reptilian swordsman with a tattered cloth mask, "known as 'the rejected teenage mutant ninja turtle', Spinner!" Ms. Joke dodged a pencil thrown by Aizawa, giggling to herself. "This cold-blooded swordsman…swords-lizard?" she wondered out loud, before continuing. "Hasn't been apprehended yet, but don't give up hope! Someday we'll be able to say 'see ya later' to this 'alligator'!"

"I'd like to say goodbye to your stupid puns," Aizawa muttered darkly, wondering when this torture would end, making Ms. Joke laugh all the harder.

"Next up, his power is 'no big deal', Mr. Compress!" Ms. Joke happily pushed the remote, switching the slide to a dapper looking villain in a magician's coat. "An _interesting_ tidbit about this villain…he actually wanted to be a psychologist!"

"That _is_ interesting," Midnight murmured, looking appraisingly at the enemy who had captured Katsuki Bakugo.

Eraserhead glared at her ferociously. "Don't fall for her tricks, Midnight!"

"That's right" Ms. Joke snickered, showing an image of Mr. Compress and his shrunken opponents contained in cubes. "He wanted to be a _shrink_!"

The barrage of pencils was bigger, this time.

"He really makes people feel small and insignificant," Ms. Joke soldiered on. "He's great at _minimizing_ the risk of enemies' abilities! And furthermore, he can use the ability on his teammates in order to sneak large groups into target locations unnoticed. He really 'carries the team', ahahaha!"

The Smile Hero grinned to herself.

"Last in the Vanguard Squad, but not least, Moonfish."

The monitor showed a nightmare image of a black coated villain with horrific teeth stabbing out in every direction.

Ms. Joke looked seriously at her captive audience. "Dentists _hate_ him," she said solemnly. "They say, he amassed riches…by scamming the tooth fairy as a child. He wanted an opponent he could 'sink his teeth into', but he…'bit off more than he could chew' with your students! His rumored cannibalistic tendencies are because he was 'fed up with people'. He was taken into custody at 'tooth hurty' a.m., hahaha!"

"This is physically painful, and not just because of the side effects of my quirk," Aizawa complained, his eyes decidedly red from constantly erasing her abilities. "Are you almost done?"

"Teasing you? Never!" Ms. Joke declared. "But as far as the League of Villains goes, there are just _three more_. The worst of the worst, the strongest of our evil enemies, the biggest threats…"

"Now introducing, the 'cloud with an evil lining', Kurogiri!" Ms. Joke declared, switching the slide to an enemy made of black mist. Even Vlad's mouth twitched at _that_ , though he hid it well. "The number two man: his power was invaluable to the organization, so you can be sure he's been 'mist' since we caught him! He may be tricky, but his abilities are all 'smoke and mirrors', haha! Of all the enemies we've described so far, Kurogiri is _especially_ 'warped'. He's able to make doors from his body, making him 'a-door-able', so to speak! This enemy was difficult to beat, as All Might can attest, but he has one weakness. He can't enter buildings that are 'no smoking zones'."

Ms. Joke was still laughing at her own joke when she switched slides. Most of the teachers were fighting back smiles. "The next foe is one we've seen in all three incidents featuring the League of Villains so far." A hulking bird creature stared out of the screen with oddly empty eyes, his brain grotesquely exposed. " _Nomu_. He's strong, but he's a real 'birdbrain'! These enemies are powerful in battle, but they're always 'speechless' when we catch them! They're especially braindead! Isn't that right, All Might?"

The Symbol of Peace nodded in agreement, crossing his huge arms. "Indeed. I've fought those creatures before, even though they were created to destroy me. I punched Nomu until he could take 'No-more'!"

"Heeeyyyyy," Ms. Joke called out, pointing twin finger guns of approval at the grinning All Might, while other teachers groaned with defeat. "That brings us to our final villain. The shadowy leader of the League of Villains…"

The final image was especially disturbing. The leader of the League of Villains stared intensely through the fingers of the gloved hand clasped over his corpse-like face. Fourteen disembodied gloved hands clutched his shoulders, neck, arms, and head. Red wires protruded from the hands grasping the powdery blue hair on the back of his head.

"The man who can kill with a touch, and disintegrate even stone!" Ms. Joke introduced grimly. "Shigaraki…of the eternal face palm."

" _Kill me_ ," Aizawa muttered, as a chorus of shocked laughter greeted her introduction.

But Ms. Joke wasn't finished yet. "He knows 'first hand' All Might's power, despite trying to gain the…'upper hand'! And he's ' _hands down_ ' the most ' _handsome_ ' villain I've ever seen, despite his _underhanded_ tactics, and his 'hands on' leadership style! So put your _hands_ up for the man who _never_ needs a hand with forcing his opponent's _hands_ , despite his 'bloodstained hands'! He's not afraid to get his hands dirty, or to 'hand off' responsibilities, and he always has a 'free hand' for his subordinates! Trying to fight him one on one is playing right into his hands!"

"How many was that?" Vlad asked in a pained tone, kneading the bridge of his nose.

"Fourteen! One for each disembodied hand Shigaraki has, haha!"

She snickered helplessly, and poor Aizawa looked almost nauseous.

"I take it back. _Now_ kill me!"

Ms. Joke beamed, knowing that was the greatest compliment a truly perfect pun could receive, and _continued_. "The decorations might just be for show, of course…although that would be _going out on a limb_ ," Ms. Joke said through her giggles. "Maybe it's so he can give himself fourteen thumbs up! It's hard to put my finger on a reason…"

"I'm officially begging for mercy, Joke!"

"Of course, he has a 'rotten' power, ahaha! He's great at 'corrupting' people. He likes making people 'break down'! His enemy's plans tend to 'fall apart'!"

"Enough is enough, woman!"

She paused for a long moment. "…he really makes a 'killing' off his powers?"

A chorus of 'boos' met this pun, along with a rain of pens and crumpled balls of paper, though more than a few of the gathered staff were laughing helplessly at the sheer ridiculousness of the 'presentation'.

"I only have one question," Aizawa said darkly, turning to glare at Principal Nezu while Ms. Joke laughed to herself. " _Why_?"

The cute white animal took a satisfied sip of his tea. "Why, isn't it obvious? We've all been facing such dire situations and terrible losses…and there are certainly more dark times on the horizon! Morale will suffer if we don't occasionally remember to lighten things up a bit. In short, I felt we could use a laugh! It certainly wasn't a 'pun'ishment, as our guest would say!"

"I for one found the presentation very informative," Midnight spoke up. She smiled faintly to herself. "Soon, all of these villains will be 'pun'der arrest, after all."

"It's contagious," Aizawa muttered under his breath. "You need to be stopped more than the League of Villains, Joke!"

"Thanks to All Might, everything will be…all-right!" All Might boomed, flashing a grin and a thumbs up towards Ms. Joke, who laughed appreciatively.

Indeed, the dark looks and despair which the teachers had all carried with them in the wake of Bakugo's kidnapping had lightened. The tension in the room was gone, in the wake of the warm power of laughter – no quirk needed. Smiles graced even the features of some of the toughest teachers of U.A High.

"Hey…look everyone!" Ms. Joke said, snickering to herself as she carefully placed a pink eraser on top of Aizawa's head. " _Eraserhead_!" She laughed out loud, along with the majority of the staff.

"I hate you all," Aizawa deadpanned, his arms crossed irritably.

~o~


End file.
